From Russia With Love: April 25 Day 46- Dedicated to Phil and Jackie

April 25 was a day of mixed emotions.

The first experience of the day was to feel a puppy for the first time. I was still in bed and had my hand resting on Nickel's belly. I suddenly felt the hard poke of the puppy rub against my hand. I had a sudden Flash in my mind of a tiny front foot. It was a magical moment. In the next week there will be more movement and soon I will be able to see the puppies moving. They seem to be very high up and mostly back under her ribs. I expect in the next week they will drop some.

I also woke up the the realization that it was the 16th anniversary of my husband Phil's death. I don't normally make a public announcement about it, but it seem fitting here since this is a blog about LIFE... and Life is intricately interwoven with Death in a oddly beautiful juxtaposition.

9/7/1959-4/25/1995
Phil and his favorite shirt

I will never forget TinTin's delivery. The last puppy was born some time in the wee hours of the night and I found myself alone and exhausted. I was sitting next to the whelping box with a goblet of wine, my back against the wall and head resting on a makeshift pillow. The only sound and motion was that of the puppies, contently whimpering and suckling. I had an immense feeling that Phil was there with me.... how could he not? Here before me was the beginning of new life... tiny embodiments of the Key To The Cosmos- that gossamer thread that connects life and death. I understood for the first time that there is no end... as the end is part of the beginning. We are all infinite threads woven into one. I relaxed into my thoughts, embraced my grief and joy, and watched in awe as the burbling puppies nursed.

April 25th took another dear heart.... The Grande Dame Jackie. Her pedigree name was Ch Majessa Three Times A Lady and yes, she was a Champion in many ways. Jackie, was a very special poodle that Cat has taken care of for the past 3 or 4 years. In her uniquely special way, she had taken Jackie into her Heart and Home. My thoughts are with Jackie's owners and with Cat.